I've not had a good day. This new company has known for a year that they are reducing manpower. They've known for a year that there are customers out there that aren't reached by their current sales reps. They've known that they have a line of product that needs a bit of attention. And I've been very patient and trying to work with these customers in some stressful situations...and today they seemed to be totally amazed that these people exist, and they want this line of product! They actually told me to be careful when allowing my customers to order because they didn't want to disappoint their customers, whom they had already given ship dates to. Well, bully for them! I guess my client base just doesn't deserve the same opportunities. I know I'm not in sales, but I'm the one remaining person that's been working with this issue for the past eight years--and I'm the one that has to calm down these disgruntled customers. By the end of the day, I was getting pretty tired of trying to be a good employee that didn't make waves--so I started some waves just before I left. We'll see if the waves got so big that they drowned me and my tenuous position...maybe I'll be leaving about three months sooner than intended....But somehow I don't think so. Now that they've figured out that I have some important customers that no one else wants to deal with, they'll keep me as long as they can....

Then I went outside and my car wouldn't start. I called my sons, who both came to rescue me. As my older son gets out of the car, he asks me what happens when I try to start it. After listening, he said, "do you have a hammer?" I didn't, but he found a tire iron, told my other son to turn the key, and then proceeded to bang at something under my car. It started right up! I had thought my timing belt was gone, but he slid out from under the car and told me he figured that is what it is because my car is known far and wide for the fuel pumps going bad--and, he claims, I have to expect a car with 250,000 miles on it to have a problem or two. Why would he say such a thing? I just can't believe it.... But, then, he did start my car....

He says I need to take care of that gas pump, but I am going to be getting a new(er) car in October, so I don't want to put a lot of money into this one (even though it only has 250,000 miles--the headliner is sagging, and I don't like that, so I probably should get a new car....). Actually, I lie. I took the headliner out a couple years ago. The real reason I think I should get a new car is that the lighted radio dial/screen sometimes blinks on and off. But, what do I do until October? I'll figure something out, even if it does mean I won't be able to tell time when looking at the radio....

I'm still at it. I mowed the lawn for another 30 minutes tonight. I wasn't really too enthusiastic about it, but I kept thinking that if I let my walking go for even just one night, then I'd think I could do it tomorrow night, and the next night would be even more difficult to get back in the groove...so I mowed for exactly 30 minutes.

I wish I had the energy of a kitten. My niece brought home a kitten that had been found in the woods. It seems someone had abandoned it there in the hopes it would eventually learn to fend for itself. The poor little thing was afraid of every single thing that moved and wouldn't come out of hiding for over a week. But, once it got brave, it bounced everywhere. Or I guess the word should be pounced. Now it's been here about six weeks, and you just can't keep up with it. Except in the bathroom. It loves to lie on its back on the bathroom rug and dare you to make it move. You have to walk around it 'cuz it ain't moving! It still doesn't try to go outside, though. I guess I can't blame it, considering it's beginnings.

My son had to tell me about the cat he and his girlfriend have. It will drink only out of the bathroom sink, and when you use the bathroom, it jumps up on the counter and stares at you in an attempt to let you know it wants you to turn on the water and let it trickle for him. If he sits there a minute and you don't do as he wants, he'll reach out with a paw and bat the soap bar onto the floor--then sit back and stare at you to see if he's caught your attention. If he hasn't been successful in getting you to twist the faucet's handle, he'll reach out and knock a brush on the floor...and then stare at you to see if he's yet been able to get your attention and conveyed the message that he's thirsty. He will continue this game, deliberately knocking one thing at a time onto the floor until you take notice and provide him a trickle of water. My son laughs and laughs when he tells the story.

Cats are so self-assured and full of energy. It's like they know they have energy, and they will lay there looking more lazy than a bump on a log...and then they'll suddenly pounce and dart and run...and I wish I had their energy!

OK, I know I've said this before, but I really need to lose weight. I will be looking for a new job in three months, and right now I look like a big old cow. I'm not exaggerating. According to the doctor, I am 120 pounds overweight, and that extra weight has to come off.

Last week I started to try to meet my goal of exercising at least 30 minutes a week at least three times a week--more, if possible. So, Tuesday morning I got up early in the morning and walked for half an hour. Then, on Wednesday I used the push lawn mower for about 45 minutes on my back yard. On Thursday night, I spent about an hour and 15 minutes mowing the lawn. I had to do my weekend job over the weekend, but did manage a 20-minute walk yesterday. Then, tonight, I mowed another half hour. Each time I mowed the yard, it was about 85-90 degrees with lots of humidity...and it was HOT!

I'm also trying to eat less. I can't seem to stick to a strict 1200 calorie diet, but I am eating less and less all the time. I used to want to eat 3-4 plates full of food each meal. Now, if I make it through one plate, it is a challenge to think about the second--but, still, in the late morning I sometimes get the munchies, especially working on the weekend where there's LOTS of food to eat. I don't keep much food at my house, particularly snack-type food, purposely--so I'm not tempted. That doesn't work where I do my weekend job. Still, I did eat less than usual.

So, the result after a week? I'm not sure. I don't have a good scale. I stepped on mine this morning, didn't like the number, so tried again, and lost 12 pounds in two minutes! The first time, I rested most of my weight on the right foot as I leaned to read the numbers. The second time I rested both feet with equal weight on both, and the weight went down. If anything, I would have expected it to go up with two feet squarely planted instead of one, but it didn't! I'm surprised at that.

I wanted to get another scale, but to get one that goes over 270 pounds is expensive! I figure I'll keep trying for a while, watch my clothes and if I lose a size or two, then maybe I'll get the affordable scale, and then maybe it will get me an accurate weight. Until then, I think all I can do is keep working at it...maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised when I find a good, accurate scale. We'll see.....

I am writing tonight just to write. Sometimes I need to do that to get things straight in my mind. I used to have to do it all in longhand; now, I seem to find that keying is much more efficient. It was difficult to key things at one time, now it's almost like second nature.

Still, I don't think I'd pass a typing test. I make almost as many errors as I do correct strokes. But I'm really good and quick at making corrections. Isn't that funny? I'm always correcting errors...in my keying, at work, at home, in my kids' lives, in my cooking, and even in my weight....

But writing does make a person think, to try to plan ahead in order to get words down in a way that reflects thoughts as closely as possible. Thoughts are sometimes a bit erratic, and writing things down help you to make things jump out at you, and sometimes to create new ideas. I'm needing that ability right now. I feel like I can't just sit here and contain the thoughts that bounce around, and by writing this, at least, I'm focusing--or trying to focus--on this text.

Focusing can be difficult in stressful times. That focus can be important when a person gets to the point where nothing cohesive and real is being produced in one's head. I know some people dread writing, dread getting things firmly in hand, but I don't know how else to think any more. Writing brings things into focus, and writing helps me understand myself more. I'm not sure how that happens, but its a good way to simply bring thoughts into a defined path, and maybe when the writing time is concluded for the day, those thoughts are no longer jumping around; they are now able to be reined in and followed in a logical manner. And that's why I write just to write....sometimes....

I want to mention that my daughter is feeling much better about her work situation this week. She has a plan of action, and she's put it in motion. I don't know what the outcome will be, but it just goes to prove that sometimes just taking action can make a person feel good.

I don't feel so great about my own job. Tomorrow I train my replacement. I know I could probably relocate it, but I've never really lived outside this area, and it is scary to think about moving so far from family and friends...particularly my adult children. And I'm taking some tests at our local employment agency to maybe get successfully placed locally in a similar position--but I really don't think that's going to happen. My job is unique, and my skills aren't really needed since exports in this country are far less than imports, and my export knowledge in the middle of a rural area isn't a very transferrable skill. Still, I have a B.S. degree, so maybe I can find something...I have a few months to figure it out. I just need to think postiively, and maybe make a plan of action...such a plan made my daughter feel better, so maybe it will work for me....