I tried very hard today to eat more healthily than I usually do. I think I did very well. I did eat two cheddarwursts for breakfast, but I also had raisin bran. Then, for lunch, I skipped the brownie and the sloppy joe with two big buns (I hate big buns) and just ate the cheesy potato side dish, albeit a double serving. For supper, I made a huge chef salad and a banana. No sugary snacks all day. I did eat some grapes, but no fatty food after supper (so far) and no cakes or cookies.

But it's been a long, stressful day at work. And when I got home, after grocery shopping, my son called from the bowling alley needing money. I was very stressed, and I rescued him by having a friend stop on his way through town instead of me having to drive all the way back to town so he could pay for his league. I tried to call with my debit card number to the alley, but they don't take credit cards or debit cards of any kind. It was very frustrating.

Once I sat down to relax, the headache hit. And I was frustrated again.

I did some cleaning, but not a lot. I am so worn out. I thought about how I had worked early this morning, too. I got ready for work, took out garbage, did some correspondence on the computer and then ate some raisin bran before leaving. I wondered how I had ever gotten kids ready for school, too, when they were younger--and I fear that I didn't do a great job of it. I'm glad they were pretty good at helping take care of themselves in the morning!

I'm glad I have this blog to write at times. I need this time to write, and I need to get some frustration out at times. I know if often sounds like I'm whining, and I justify it by saying that I don't usually whine all day long...but, here, in this blog where I can just let things loose, then I can whine and scream out all my frustrations, and no one I know will criticize me for the negative attitude. I want to get some of this out and not have friends feel horrible for being in the path of my frustration. I do appreciate this opportunity to write when I need to.

I am exhausted. A lot has happened in the last week or so. The tests on my stomach showed that my gallbladder is functioning normally. But I know that as long as they injected the fatty chemical, all I could feel was pain in the gallbladder area, and about five minutes before the end of the test--which is when the injection stopped, I'm told--the pain stopped. The doctor concluded that the pain was from my fibromyalgia. Everything always comes back to fibro. I hate it. It's as if every time they can't figure out what's wrong, the doctor tells me it's due to the fibro.

We've had a couple snowstorms with about two feet of snow between the two of them. All winter we have almost bare ground, and now that winter is almost over, we have more in two weeks than we've had in years. It isn't fair. I really wanted spring to get here.

I missed two days of work that I can't afford, but I couldn't get in with the snow storms. And I don't have any vacation time left after this. I hope next month gets here soon.

About two months ago, my sister told me that her pap smear from her physical came back bad. I finally asked her how things are going, and the doctor is telling her she has eight or nine tumors. She had a diagnosis of cervical cancer when her youngest child, now 17, was still being formed. After he was born, she had surgery to take care of it. Now, it's apparently back. At least, that's what I assume from the presence of tumors. She didn't really say. But I asked her when she'll have surgery to remove them, and she said she doesn't have time because she can't miss more than two days without getting written up at work. I told her to talk to her human resource people about the Family Medical Leave paperwork, but she didn't seem too eager. She's a very passive person, and I hope she'll be a bit more aggressive than her usual self against this enemy. It does not do any good for me to tell her what I think. She gathers facts in her head and then thinks about them for a while before she acts on those facts. She has the facts now. I just hope she acts more sooner than later.

I want to write a positive message here, and I hope that all is well with the world. I want everyone to feel good and to know that there are people in this world who care. I want no one to ever feel that they have nowhere to turn, and to have people understand that life happens. I want to smile and be happy.

These things I want are good, and it would be wonderful if I and the world could have all that I--and many others--want. But, for some reason, human kind was not meant to always be of a positive nature. We all have emotional ups and downs that make us want to arrest the downs and encourage the ups---but even the times we are down, we want to mope and feel sorry for ourselves, but just long enough to know that we deserve our own emotions. In the end, we want to push through the dejection and lift our spirits to a smile.

I am trying very hard not to be negative. I want to complain, and I want to tell everyone what I really feel. But, even just thinking about what I want to do makes me depressed--to the point that I have to tell me that I have to force myself to think positive thoughts. So that is what I am doing here. And I am positive that my life needs to do something different so that my expression can match my life...positively, I would hope.

I don't feel well. I had a gallbladder funtion test today, and it hurt! But, the last five minutes calmed the pain, and I came home after stopping to eat an omelette at Perkins. A few hours later, a horrible headache started, and I have been in the bathroom quite often. I don't think I want that test again.

The results will be in early next week. And I hope they are such that they resolve the situation because I am tired of hurting and being sick.

My nephew is borrowing my car tomorrow to take a driver's test. I hope he passes. He's a good kid. His sister was going to loan him her new car, but her fiance said that she couldn't. I'm not sure why he makes the rules, but that's their business.

My son traded a good car for an older pickup, and it isn't running. His dad is going to try to get it running...and then he wants to trade it for another car. I think he's being ridiculous...

I have my gallstone function test tomorrow morning. I hope it figures out what's wrong, but somehow I fear it won't. I re-read yesterday's blog and I wrote it wrong. I wrote I don't feel it any more, the pain. But it's definitely there. And I want it to go away.

But tomorrow is another day. Today is all that I know about. And I guess that's all I can ever really know.