A friend of mine is fighting a DUI and implied consent violation. Today she advises that the court refuses to dismiss the matter since she claims to have had bronchitis and was unable to breathe enough air. I won't comment on the merits of her case since that's something she will need to handle on her own.

But what I can't understand is why her attorney is not explaining things to her. I worked for an attorney, and I know most of the process--but she is lost. I don't want to give her too much information and be liable for practicing law without a license (and I know how poorly I'd be practicing since I know the process, but the defenses are something only the legal eagles know), but the least he should have done is explain the purpose of an omnibus hearing--and next is a settlement conference, and she doesn't have a clue what it means.

Even getting the decision from the judge was a letter forwarded by the attorney. He didn't even give her the courtesy of a telephone call to explain the decision. And now she wants to know what will happen at the conference, and he's not answering her calls. Of course, she just got the letter this morning, but she has no confience that he'll return her calls. I would think the least a client could expect would be enough courtesy to know that at some reasonable point, the counselor would care enough to advise her a minimum of the process.

I, personally, would not hire an attorney any more unless I was absolutely at my wits end. I'd rather face the wrath of a judge pro se than want to work with an attorney. In my experience, attorneys compromise every case for the sake of money. They know it costs a lot of money to vigorously defend a client, but if they can compromise and do enough to keep their client out of the hottest water, then it is enough--in their eyes--to let the water simmer and eventually cool off with just a skim of the particles remaining at the top after the heat has been removed. I'd rather take a good, long drink of ice cold, clear water.

As for a DUI, judges lean toward the police team at every possible point. I truly believe once charged with a DUI, you are guilty until proven innocent. And no attorney wants to fight that truth, so they don't. There are less time-consuming, more win-able matters, and DUI attorneys know better than to try to establish a good "win" record. Try asking a DUI attorney how many cases they've won--in 95% or more of the responses, you'll hear that it's impossible to "win" a DUI, but they've provided a good defense and kept their client out of jail more times than not. Is that the kind of defense a client wants?

I am feeling like everything is out of my control. Nothing is working as I want it to, and I have to compromise my schedule and interests in order to meet those of my family and friends--and it's making me irritable and a bit frustrated. And, as usual, during those times I want to feel something in the extreme. I want to feel something so strongly that I have to scream to release the emotion...because my emotions seem to be controlled and withheld beyond the normal, and I want to bust loose and feel again.

In the past, I have done some crazy things at times like this. Things I should never have done, but which I think it would take very little impetus to happen again. My mind can't settle and my body wants to go crazy. And those few sane thoughts I have are struggling very hard to bounce high enough for me to catch hold of them and keep them floating. It's a struggle, but I'm managing for now.

It's been a long weekend. I took off Friday to help a friend celebrate his birthday, then worked my weekend job and today we thought we'd help my friend get his boat and motor checked out in preparation for regular use in October. We took the boat out on a local lake, and it worked fantastically! I loved the wind in my face and the water droplets splashing on my face. I didn't want a sunburn, though, so we decided to head in after about twenty minutes since I didn't bring suntan lotion with. We pulled up to the dock and I didn't know how to tie it up right, so I grabbed the post on the dock and held on as I waited for my friend to tie it up. Seemed simple--but, somehow, the boat just kept drifting away from the dock and even as I tried to pull the boat close to the dock, the boat drifted away with what I assume was the current. After a while, though, your body stretches only so far and your hands can hold only so tightly....and it seems fairly logical to know why suddenly I found my upper torso bobbing in the water. As I went down, my body seemed to think it was in a dive and I immediately pulled up and, thus (I believe) stopped the entire boat from capsizing--but as I came up, all I could think was, "Do glasses float? They're all plastic..." But, unwilling to take a chance, I used my hand to hold my glasses against my face as I emerged from the lake and sat back down in the boat.... And, I cannot understand why, but my friend just seemed to look at me without knowing what to say---and then he started laughing! Of course, it was funny--so I started to laugh, too....and truly appreciatd the cooling off, though it wasn't all that comfortable to have only the front of my shirt wet and dripping, making the front of my jeans wet, too. Of course, if there had been a little less fat around my waist, I'm pretty sure I would have won a wet t-shirt contest.... Lesson learned? I need to get one of those strings that keep your glasses tight to your head at all times.... Oh, and let the people who know what they're doing tie up the boat...

I thought my son was going to withdraw from college today because of money. He had enough grants and scholarships for the tuition and books, but he is required to buy a laptop computer. And not just any laptop. It must have at least 4 gb RAM--and I hope that's the right abbreviation--because he's doing a drafting class that will require the use of a CAD program, whatever that is. He can't go get one of the ones that are even halfway close to my budget...he not only needed that 4 gb, but it had to be one of three specific ones, the least expensive costing $1800. I don't have that kind of money. His student loans won't even cover that. I was panicking, but I figured it out today and I took a loan against my 401k plan. But I don't think a student needs such an expensive computer, and the school should be looking at their requirements again!

I'm tired tonight. It's been a long day, and tomorrow looks the same. Oh, well...

There are some women my age who are looked at as the victims of an "empty nest" complex. My youngest child has started college. But he hasn't left. Sometimes I think I've given too much to them. Maybe not enough to myself. I want to go to another life, to be somewhere else and start life as a married woman. I've been engaged for almost five years, but I want to go to him with no debts and no children that need to choose between a stepfather and a father, or me needing to choose between him and my children as these young adults fling out the words "you're not my father!" or "You love him more than you love your own children!"

And then I wonder if I'm just making excuses. He lives over an hour's drive away, and maybe I just don't want to leave my home town, or maybe I don't want to make my children leave a place they've lived for the past sixteen years. And maybe I don't want to marry him without being totally honest with him, without telling him about my childhood and how terrible it was. I told my first husband, and he couldn't deal with it. And this man is even more straitlaced than the first husband...but he's much more sweet and understanding.

Maybe it's just that I want a perfect time, and the reality is that there will never be a perfect time. The reality is that I'm not married. And now I really have to ask myself why not.