I want to write a positive message here, and I hope that all is well with the world. I want everyone to feel good and to know that there are people in this world who care. I want no one to ever feel that they have nowhere to turn, and to have people understand that life happens. I want to smile and be happy.

These things I want are good, and it would be wonderful if I and the world could have all that I--and many others--want. But, for some reason, human kind was not meant to always be of a positive nature. We all have emotional ups and downs that make us want to arrest the downs and encourage the ups---but even the times we are down, we want to mope and feel sorry for ourselves, but just long enough to know that we deserve our own emotions. In the end, we want to push through the dejection and lift our spirits to a smile.

I am trying very hard not to be negative. I want to complain, and I want to tell everyone what I really feel. But, even just thinking about what I want to do makes me depressed--to the point that I have to tell me that I have to force myself to think positive thoughts. So that is what I am doing here. And I am positive that my life needs to do something different so that my expression can match my life...positively, I would hope.

I don't feel well. I had a gallbladder funtion test today, and it hurt! But, the last five minutes calmed the pain, and I came home after stopping to eat an omelette at Perkins. A few hours later, a horrible headache started, and I have been in the bathroom quite often. I don't think I want that test again.

The results will be in early next week. And I hope they are such that they resolve the situation because I am tired of hurting and being sick.

My nephew is borrowing my car tomorrow to take a driver's test. I hope he passes. He's a good kid. His sister was going to loan him her new car, but her fiance said that she couldn't. I'm not sure why he makes the rules, but that's their business.

My son traded a good car for an older pickup, and it isn't running. His dad is going to try to get it running...and then he wants to trade it for another car. I think he's being ridiculous...

I have my gallstone function test tomorrow morning. I hope it figures out what's wrong, but somehow I fear it won't. I re-read yesterday's blog and I wrote it wrong. I wrote I don't feel it any more, the pain. But it's definitely there. And I want it to go away.

But tomorrow is another day. Today is all that I know about. And I guess that's all I can ever really know.

I am wondering what would happen if I have gallbladder problems, and for some reason, all the tests eventually come back normal--showing no problem, but the pain continues to linger. Will this do damage to my gallbladder if it is misdiagnosed and I really do have a non-functioning gallbladder?

A friend told me how he went to the local hospital with stomach pain, and they did a upper GI. Found nothing. He went home and his stomach suddenly hurt worse than ever. Talking with his doctor, the doctor said the increase in pain was due to the test and it would calm down. A day and a half later he traveled to a hospital about 45 minutes away--and he had a ruptured appendix! If he had gone another half hour, they figured he would not have survived.

This is the same doctors and hospital I am dealing with. I have a gallbladder function test on Thursday. Ten years ago I had the same test, and it showed that my gallbladder was operating on the low side of normal--at least as far as the "timing of the bilial system" was concerned. And last year, I had similar pain, though less painful, and I talked with a doctor that was not my regular doctor. She never touched my stomach. She just told me to stop drinking all soda pop and add a serving of fruit to my diet each day. The pain has continued, from ten years ago, through last year, and now I can hardly feel it. Will they find the problem on Thursday? If not, where do I go from here?

I guess I'll know more after Thursday....

I read a blog today that made me think about religion and the role it plays in my life. I have a faith in God, and I believe I understand many things that are a mystery to others. Simple faith can be a good thing, but sometimes--like Job--we need to understand more than that which is taught by tradition and good people in good places.

The things I understand are not from things that I learned in a formal church. The things I understand are things I learn from God. He teaches me so much, each and every day. The lessons are taught in ways I don't recognize until I stop and reflect, and then things come so clearly to me that it seems completely unimaginable that others have not come to appreciate the same truths.

Many times, the things I learn come from the people I know who have so little...little except their faith and their need for hope. They place their faith in God, pray to God, and then hope that they recognize the answers God provides--and one thing I learned is that hope is nothing more than a desire for something that comes through means other than faith. With faith, there is no need for hope, for faith will affirm God's abilities, and we will know that our answers will be answered. There would be no need for hope in the presence of true faith, but sometimes our faith is tested, and that gives rise to the human need for hope when faith cannot be recognized.

The truth is that God has given us all we need, and he provides us the opportunity to go forth in his grace. We, alone, must decide if we follow his faith in us or if we fend for ourselves. We pray that we have the future that would make our lives as full as possible, but, in the end, we just need to do what is right and God will take care of us and all our needs. That is the kind of faith that each of us should aspire to. Unforunately, we don't always "let go and let God."

I think, personally, that God is great. Awesome. And I mean this in a most respectful manner. God has provided us with this world, and we have the opportunity to make the most of ourselves and of this world. In the end, God will make the world the best place it can be, but we have to understand that sometimes the best is not always the most obviously developed piece of goods. Sometimes a peanut butter sandwich beats the biggest sub with the most freshest ingredients. We need to know what is right and good, and that will make our worlds good and right.

I pray that each person comes to know God in a personal relationship, and I hope that every person has faith that God is good and knows best.